


How Do You Know?

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Episode: s03e05 War Crimes, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-23
Updated: 2008-10-23
Packaged: 2019-05-30 20:59:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15104780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Josh and Donna deal with the aftermath of Cliff and the diary in an AU sort of away.





	How Do You Know?

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: A/N: It's been done before and been done better, but I was ranting about Donna's gomers one day on Talking Points, and Cathy decided to kill two birds with one stone. A challenge based on one of those gomers, and a little vengeance for my own past challenges. I couldn't resist. Many thanks to "Political Affairs" for the quote this is built on.  


* * *

_**Scene from the end of "War Crimes"...** _

_Evening, park bench. Donna and Josh sit in silence as Cliff approaches from the other side of a fountain. Josh walks over to him._

_JOSH: There's a coffee shop across the street. You'll read it there, you've got an hour. (Cliff nods) I haven't read it. But if anything bothers you, you'll issue a subpoena in the morning--you'll have it back before the end of the day. If not, that's that._  
CLIFF: Yeah.  
JOSH: If I read any of this in the newspaper or anything happens I don't like, I've got the entries for October fourth and fifth.  
CLIFF: What's October fourth and fifth?  
JOSH: You.  
CLIFF: That's fair. (beat) Thank you.  
(Josh hands Cliff the diary and slowly walks back to the bench after watching him leave)  
JOSH: It's starting to get cold already. (off Donna's silence, he half-heartedly puts an arm around her) It's going to be fine. 

***************************************************

“How do you know?”

Josh jerked. They had set in total silence for so long that he didn’t think she was ever going to speak again. He had glanced at his watch a moment earlier. The hour was nearly up.

“What do you mean?”

Donna wouldn’t look at him. “You said that it’s going to be fine. How do you know that it’ll be fine, considering the fact that everything is the total opposite of fine right now?”

“Because I know, Donna. I may hate Calley’s guts, but he’s got a solid reputation as a straight shooter. If he comes back and says that’s it, then that’s it.”

“And if that *isn’t* it?”

“Then, he’ll subpoena the diary, we’ll get with your attorney, and we’ll walk it back. No one on the committee is so cranky that they’ll go after you over it.”

“And if someone is that cranky?”

Josh sighed. “Then it’s plan “B” time. Clifford and I have a deal. You know I’m well off, and so is my family. I’ve already talked to my mom. She’s agreed to plan “B” and spoken to the lawyer handing the family trust. You’ll be out of the country and living comfortably somewhere with no extradition before an indictment can be issued. All you’ll have to do is live your life while the statute of limitations runs out.”

Donna turned her head sharply and looked at him for the first time since he’d sat down beside her. “Why would you do that?”

Josh smiled faintly. “Why wouldn’t I do that?”

Donna looked away. “Because everything is the opposite of fine. You’ve had your arm behind me for almost an hour, but you haven’t even touched me. You haven’t so much as brushed against me in weeks. If I get too close, you lean away. If it looks like we might bump into each other, even accidentally, you dance away like a matador facing a bull. I can feel the hurt coming off of you in waves. I feel like a leper.”

Josh jerked. “I didn’t know that you wanted me to….touch you. I didn’t…” He broke off as he caught a flash of movement across the square. It was Calley, slowly plodding their way. “Wait here,” he said as he jumped to his feet abruptly and began striding towards the fountain in order to meet Calley halfway. No way was Cliff getting within shouting distance of Donna, ever again.

Cliff stopped when he reached Josh on the side of the fountain furthest from Donna and looked over Josh’s shoulder across the fountain at the bench where she was determinedly ignoring his existence. He held out the diary without fanfare and said, “Take it back. There’s nothing in there about the president’s illness, until the night that Toby Zeigler told her about it.”

Josh felt the tension that had been in his heart since Donna first came to him ebb out of him abruptly. “Thanks. I’ll tell Donna.”

Cliff glanced over his shoulder again. “Can I talk to her?”

Josh’s face clouded up. “No, absolutely not. This may be over, but I want no contact between you two socially, ever again.” He paused to force down his anger. “Professionally is another matter, but keep it to a minimum. Try to date her again and I’ll make your life a living hell.”

Cliff grinned at Josh’s vehemence. “Why Josh, I didn’t know that you cared.” Then his face hardened. “And neither does she.”

Josh frowned. “What the hell does that mean?”

Cliff laughed bitterly. “Only that I was a fool. I said there was nothing in the diary about the president’s MS, not that there was nothing in there at all. More than that I won’t tell you. She’s had her privacy violated enough for one night.”

Josh’s face hardened. “That’s interesting choice of words, coming from you, Calley. Okay we’re done. I’d say it’s been a pleasure, but it hasn’t. Stay off my radar and I’ll stay off yours.”

With that he spun abruptly and stormed back towards Donna with his eyes on the ground. He’d covered perhaps half the distance to the bench, and Donna, when he lifted his eyes and his walk slowed abruptly. She looked so emotionally battered and forlorn that his heart broke and his anger leaked away through the cracks. He walked slowly up to her and held out the diary. 

“Donna?” he said softly. ”Here it is. It’s over.”

She looked up at him as hope flared in her eyes for the first time in a week. “It’s over? Really over?”

Josh gave her a faint shadow of his old cocky smirk. “Well, a lot depends on Calley holding up his end of the deal to keep his mouth shut, but since his making this deal puts his neck on the chopping block with ours, I’d say that we’re safe. He won’t talk.” Josh smirk strengthened. “It’s over. Let’s go home.” 

Donna stood up and took the diary from him, and then impulsively threw her arms around him in a tight hug. Josh stiffened, but then his arms came around her as he returned the hug. It felt wrong and right at the same time. After a moment she noticed his wooden stance, and pushed away from him. Part of him didn’t want to let her go, but the larger part was glad of the distance.

Donna smiled at him weakly. “See? The total opposite of fine.”

Josh sighed. “I don’t know what you want me to do Donna.”

“How about treat me the way you used to?” she shot back.

“And how did I used to treat you? How long ago?” he misdirected.

Donna stared at him a moment, then gave him a defeated look. “Forget it. Let’s just go. I want a bubble bath and some sleep,” she snapped.

Josh nodded tiredly. “That’s fine with me. Just because tomorrow is Saturday doesn’t mean I don’t have work to do. I need to be up early tomorrow morning.”

They both walked to his car, maintaining a wary distance from each other. The drive back to Donna’s apartment passed in heavy silence. Neither one of them could identify all the feelings coursing through their hearts. There was relief that it was over, and exhilaration at having pulled a sort of coup; some fear that something might still go wrong, and above all a feeling of sadness, of grieving, that couldn’t be attached to anything. Had you asked either of them why they felt that way, at that moment, they wouldn’t have been able to tell you. Their hearts knew, but their minds hadn’t caught up with current events yet

Arriving at Donna’s apartment, Josh pulled into a conveniently empty parking space in front and shut off the engine. They sat in silence for a long moment, neither moving to get out of the car. Suddenly Donna reached across the seat to take Josh’s hand and he jerked away abruptly.

“See?” she said sadly, “I can’t even touch your hand.”

“What is with this touching thing all of a sudden?” Josh snapped. “I go for weeks without touching you.”

“No, you really don’t,” she replied just as harshly. “When we do our walk and talks your hand was always in the small of my back, or there’d be a hand on my shoulder sometimes when you’re looking over my shoulder at something…..except for this last month, since I told you about Cliff.”

“Well, how about that. Mystery solved,” Josh said sardonically. 

“Yeah,” Donna said, as her voice began to crack. “Mystery solved. My boss and best friend thinks that I’m an untouchable. He’ll risk his career for me, but he won’t touch my hand. Maybe I should move to India.” She grabbed the door handle and threw her door open. She needed to get the hell away from Josh before the tears started. “I should have known.”

Josh jumped out of the car and dashed around to cut her off, trapping her in her seat. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he demanded angrily.

Donna was starting to cry in earnest. “That you’re not just pissed at me. You actually hate me.”

Josh swallowed, trying to stifle the words that now slipped out. “No I don’t. I don’t hate you, I hate him. I hate him more than I believed it was possible for one person to hate another.”

“Why? I mean, yes he threatened me, and thanks to me he was a threat to the administration, but..”

Josh gave a laugh that sound like more than half a sob. “You think that’s it? That I hate him because he’s a threat? You’re seriously over-rating him, Donna. I handled him myself, without breaking a sweat. In this situation Cliff Calley is a guppy to my barracuda.” 

He drew a deep breath. Now that the forbidden words were flowing, there was no stopping them. “What I can’t handle is touching you….because *he* touched you. Not because….you’re untouchable or something, the way that you think…it’s,” he stumbled over the words, “He’s touched you in ways that have haunted *my* dreams since long before he ever laid eyes on you. And I just can’t deal right now with being second best.” He laughed weakly. “God, just look at how *I* deal with being second best?” He reached out and cupped her chin with a hand that she could feel shaking against her skin as he gently tugged at her so she would meet his eyes. “Touching you now is a reminder that you’re really beyond my reach, and that I’m just fooling myself with the little scraps of intimacy that I occasionally allow myself.” He dropped his hand. “I’ll get past it, in time. Just let me get past the envy and jealousy, and we’ll be fine.” 

Donna stared at him for the longest time before she wiped her eyes with the heels of her hands, stepped out of the car, and stood to face him. Josh started to back away, but Donna grabbed his wrist and held on tightly as her tear streaked face blossomed into her full million-watt smile. “CJ was right. Wow, are *you* stupid.” Then she invaded his space, sliding her arms around his neck, and kissed him.

Josh didn’t have time to stiffen up before her lips were on his, and after that the point was moot, because he wasn’t missing *any* of this. His arms went around her as he kissed her back. They’d bypassed being tender and gone straight into loving each other with their mouths. Tongues danced and caressed as a years long backlog of passion tried to find release. Donna’s hand was playing with the curls on the back of his neck as he returned the favor by burying his hands in the spun gold of her soft silky hair. The taste and scent of her completely overwhelmed his senses.

All too soon though, the need to breathe over-ruled desire, and he had to break the kiss. They stood the panting, their foreheads touching.

“So,” Donna said, with a grin, “you were saying something about not being able to touch me like he did? I think we just put that to rest, because I promise you, I didn’t feel like this with him. This was far and away better. A hundred times better.”

Josh blinked. “Could we *please* not discuss Clifford while I’m recovering from what was most likely the single greatest moment of my life?”

“The single greatest, huh?” she asked smugly.

Josh kissed her again, briefly and chuckled. “Oh god, and you accuse *me* of having a big ego?”

Donna grinned as she answered his kiss with two of her own. “I don’t get to take mine out for a walk all that often. Cut me some slack.”  
He smiled gently and leaned in for a longer kiss. As it ended he replied. “Anything you say. Right now you can have anything you want if you keep kissing me.” He paused. “I love you.”

Donna snuggled closer and hugged him tightly. “I know you do. Before I could only hope, but once I knew for sure, I had to kiss you.”

“Wait a minute, you knew before I said the words?”

She shrugged. “You said so, right before I kissed you. You didn’t say the words, but you said so just the same. That’s why I kissed you, you idiot.”

Josh chuckled. “What about you?”

“What about me, what?” she responded coyly.

“What about, you love me back?”

Donna laughed and pulled back a little so that she could see his face, which compelled her to kiss him again. “Oh there’s no doubt about it. I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you since the first campaign.”

“That long, huh?” he asked with a self-satisfied smirk.

“There it is,” she said. “My ego pales next to yours.”

“Hey, I have a right,” he argued. “I just found out that the woman I love has loved me as long as I’ve loved her. I’m entitled to strut a bit.”

She stared at him as her eyes darkened. “Really? That long?”

Josh gave her of those patented boyish grins of his that made her knees weak. “Well, duh? I went out of my way to keep you at work after hours from the very first day, just so I could be with you? I eighty-sixed every date of yours that I could find out about? What do you think? Surely you don’t believe I’d go to all that trouble just to be a jerk.”

“You *were* a jerk, but now that I know why, I forgive you.” she said as she kissed him again soundly. “Come upstairs.”

“What?!”

Donna giggled. “Your voice got really high there. I said come upstairs.”

Josh stared at her uncertainly. “Is this ‘come upstairs for a beer, some talk, and some kissing’ or is this…”

“Stay with me.”

Josh sighed and shook his head slowly. “I’m sorry Donna, the answer has to be, no.”

She frowned. “But why?”

“Because…you’ll think it’s dumb, but one of the things that just drove me crazy was the thought of you, with him, in your bed. In my imagination I could see the two of you together, like a slideshow from hell, and it made me crazy. I’m afraid that if I walk in your bedroom, where you were actually with him..”

“…you’ll see me and him…”

“…instead of us. Which isn’t how I want it to be when I make love to you the first time,” he finished. It sounded lame to his ears, but it was how he felt. “It’ll be soon, but not here, and not now.”

Donna sighed. “Okay, I can accept that. I wish I didn’t have to though. Now that I’ve had this much of you, I don’t want to wait another minute.”

Josh smiled weakly and kissed her again, tenderly. “I should go. You have an appointment with some bubbles. I need to hit the grocery store on the way home and call CJ.”

“First call?” she asked, with a raised eyebrow.

“You know it. She’d skin me alive with a rusty knife if I left her out of the loop about us.”

Donna smiled. She really liked his use of the word ‘us’ in that context. “Okay, you get going. I’ll give you a call tomorrow morning.”

Josh kissed her again, fiercely, and then let her go. She reached out and took his hand, giving it a squeeze, then turned and walked to the door of her apartment building. He waited until she was in her building and the light went on upstairs before he pulled out his cell phone and used the speed dial to call CJ, as he got in his car and drove away.

**************************************

It was almost an hour later when Josh stumbled through his apartment door laden with bags of groceries in either hand, and possibly deaf in his right ear from CJ screaming at him over the phone about his lack of timing. In the end though she’d gotten weepy about the sheer romanticism of the two of them finally finding each other, and promised that whatever happened, she’d handle it. The call to Leo, by contrast, had been shorter and easier. He’d simply snorted his disgust and told Josh that it was long overdue, that he was happy for them, and they’d discuss the practical side of things on Monday. That was the end of it.

He was so tired that he’d almost skipped going to the store, but he preferred to shop late. The store was quiet after the bedlam of the west wing, and the checkout was faster at night. After this emotionally exhausting day, he could use some peace and quiet. He skipped turning on the living room lights and made it into the kitchen from memory. Flipping the kitchen lights on, he made short work of his groceries, transferring them to refrigerator, freezer, and cupboards. Once he was done he walked to the door to the living room that lead back towards his bedroom. His hand hovered over the kitchen light switch…and stopped. With the kitchen light dimly illuminating the living room, he could see that there was a dark something or another in the middle of his living room floor that hadn’t been there this morning, and he hadn’t seen it before because he’d moved through that room in the dark. Reaching around the doorway and feeling along the wall he found the dimmer-switch for the living room lights and dialed them up. In the half light the object was now easily identifiable.

It was a haphazardly dropped shoe. 

A woman’s shoe. 

A *very* familiar woman’s shoe. 

Five feet further back towards his bedroom laid its mate, along with an equally familiar discarded blouse.

Josh smiled to himself and strolled back to his bedroom, pausing to pick up clothing along the way, ending with a pair of slacks in his bedroom doorway. Standing at the open door he paused to take in the over all effect. The lights were off, and there was moonlight streaming through the bedroom window that backlit the room in a dim pearly glow. He could see the she was lying on her side, facing the door, with her head propped up on her hand. Her face was in shadow, but the moonlight made her hair glow like fairy fire. The dim outline of the swell of her hip under the covers was doing strange things to his heart rate. He could hear the smile in her voice when she finally spoke. 

“Took you long enough. I thought maybe you’d gone back to the White House and I’d just have to nap until you showed up.”

“What are you doing here? I thought we’d agreed that…”

“Joshua,” she said with a sigh. “It didn’t occur to you that my apartment wasn’t the only place that we could find a bed to use? I find it hard to believe that you went to law school without covering ‘change of venue’. This just proves that you aren’t a real lawyer, or you’d have brought me back here with you. There aren’t any ghosts here.” 

Josh dropped her clothes in a chair and walked over to stand by the bed as she rolled onto her back, bringing her face into the moonlight, where he could see the half pout/half smile on her lips…and he could see the smoky look in her eyes. The swell of her breasts beneath the covers finished the job that her hips had started. Without conscious thought his hands reached for the hem of his sweater, intending to pull it off over his head, but when she stretched out a slender hand and lazily caressed the outside of his thigh it sent him into temporary brain lock as all of his mental processes froze. He was helpless to do anything, but focus on the sense of electric warmth that her hand was generating as it traveled slowly up and down his leg.

Donna couldn’t help but notice the effect that she was having on him. The way that he stood, frozen and speechless, his arms crossed, gripping the hem of his sweater was almost comical. Who knew that she could have this kind of power? It would make their days at the office *much* more fun that they’d been recently. Anytime she needed to shut him up, all she’d have to do is touch him.

“What’s the matter, Joshua? Cat got your tongue?” she murmured coyly.

Josh blinked as the trance was broken. He looked down at the angel in his bed and was completely lost. Sinking down he sat on the side of the bed and pulled her up and into his arms. He kissed her briefly, then he pulled back and murmured, “No, Miss Smarty No-Pants, as a matter of fact, the only one here who has my tongue is you.” And he kissed her again, matching deeds to words as his tongue begged entrance into her mouth.

That was the last coherent word that either of them spoke for quite a while, though it wasn’t the last sound…that either of them made by a long shot. There were moans; and sighs; and whispered names and words of love. Some frantic pulling and tugging by Donna left Josh naked to the waist, over his objections about having to temporarily abandon her lips in the process, but in the end it didn’t matter, because her lips were busy worshiping the scar that bisected his chest. Finally he just couldn’t stand it any longer. He had to be with her completely. He stood up and pushed his pants and boxers down at the same time, then nearly fell trying to get them off over his shoes. He sat on the edge of the bed growling in frustration as he struggled with the clumsy mass of clothing and shoes entangling his feet. The warm feminine hand rubbing circles on his back and equally warm lips feathered kisses on his shoulders didn’t do anything to help matters. Eventually he simply used brute force and got pants, shoes, and socks off in one mass; and hurled them across the room.

Turning and yanking the sheets back he slid into bed beside Donna, drew the sheets back up, and pulled her warm body into his arms. The sensation of her skin sliding over his was maddening. The kiss that followed was hungry in its intensity. He was a starving man. Starving for Donna. He broke the kiss in an effort to slow things down, to give her time to catch up with him, but she stopped him at once.

“Joshua, slow and tender can wait for next time. I love you. I’m ready now and I need you *now*.”

One look at her eyes, gone wide and dark told him it was time, even as she rolled him on top of her, easing her legs apart to cradle him, and he seized her lips again.

“Yes, now,” he growled as their bodies joined seamlessly.

********************************************

Some time later he was laying on his back, feeling more relaxed than he had in two years. Donna was cuddled up against him with her head on his chest and her knee drawn up across his legs, while two of her fingers drew idle patterns on his chest. He was fighting off sleep, because he wanted to savor this time. The first time only came once, and he wanted to enjoy all of it. He jerked slightly, as Donna nipped at his pec and giggled.

“What?” he said with a yawn.

“Oooooh, looks like someone is tired?”

He chuckled. “It happens. I had reason to be tired *before* I got home and found you here. Now what was so funny?”

She sighed. “I shouldn’t tell you, or your ego will appear, and there isn’t room for you, me, and it in this bed.”

“I promise, no ego. Now what was it?”

She kissed the spot she’d nipped at. “I was just thinking that, until tonight, I was pretty sure that the term ‘multi-orgasmic’ was an oxymoron.”

She lifted her head and saw the slow grin spread across his face.

“Ya see, now you’re gonna be you again. You’re gonna start crowing or beating your chest or something.”

He pulled her head back down to his chest and tightened his arms around her. “Oh c’mon Donna, you can’t drop something like that on me and not let me have a little bit of ego.”

She rubbed her cheek against him and sighed. “Okay, but only a little. Just one ‘I’m da man’ and I’m dressed and out of here.”

He grunted. “Spoilsport. Okay, if that’s what it takes to keep you here, I’ll make the supreme sacrifice.”

“Thank you.”

“Donnatella?” he said softly.

“Yes?”

“You know it’s no sacrifice, right? There’s no sacrifice too big to keep you by my side?”

She sniffled a bit. “Yeah, I know.”

“Good, because that’s where I want you, for the rest of our lives.” 

She raised her head again and looked at him. He was expecting it and stared back at her solemnly. 

“D’you mean it?”

“Yes Donnatella, I mean it. It won’t happen right away, but I love you, and as soon as humanly possible I intend to bind you to me forever. Okay?”

Happy tears began to well in her eyes. “Okay.”

“Good.”

They were silent for a while, reveling in the promises that had just been made. But soon enough the practical world intruded.

“I have no idea what time it is,” he said.

She chuckled. “You’re still wearing your watch dummy.”

Drawing his arm out from under the covers he studied his watch. “Three A.M.? It’s three o’clock in the morning?! We…for god’s sake we made love for four hours? And I’m not dead? I couldn’t do that in college!!”

She giggled. “I guess I bring out the best in you.”

He sighed. “My alarm is going off in two and a half hours. We’re going to be zombies if we go into work today.” He paused. “What’s on my schedule? Any meetings that I can’t blow off?”

“Nope, no meetings at all. We were going to do a half day on the monthly polling, and that was it.”

“Good,” he responded. “We’re both calling in sick. I’ll go in and handle the polling on Sunday. You’ll stay home.”

“Don’t you need me?”

“Always, but I want to think of you, waiting here for me. It’ll inspire me to get the hell out of there quickly. If you’re with me, I’ll slack off because I won’t be missing my Donnatella fix for the day.’

She smiled against his chest. “You make me sound like a drug.”

“You are. My drug of choice, and I intend to stay addicted forever.”

Now she yawned. “Okay, while you’re at work, I’ll go back to my apartment and grab some stuff for Monday.”

He nodded sleepily. “Good, that’s perfect, Donnatella.” He slid down a bit further to get more comfortable, and settled down. “We’re gonna be okay,” he murmured.

“How do you know?” she answered sleepily.

“Because, at last, everything is fine.”

****************************************************

The End


End file.
